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Interview with an Archeologist while drunk  We arranged to meet with Edward Marchais, leading Archeologist in all things old. We didn’t care to do much research or anything. But, for some reason…we decided to meet up with him in a bar over a few drinks. He seemed nervous and socially awkward. We were plastered and uninterested. God damn, things just kind of went from there.
Stogie Bros: So, what? How many Nazi’s have you beaten up in your life? Edward Marchais: Well, none actually. I was in Germany twice and it was a very nice place- SB: Man, fuck that place. EM: [silence] SB: Yo, that girl over there is looking at you Eddie. I think she wants to fuck you. Go talk to her. EM:Oh…no. I think we have an interview to do. SB: Come on! EM:No, I couldn’t. SB: Just go up to her and let her know you got some coke. She will talk to you then. EM:I’ve never done- SB:-Never lived life until you’ve done a line off of some tits. EM:[stops to think]  At this point, Edward actually got up the balls to go talk to her. And he successfully used the coke like pretty effectively. After about 2 hours of buying her drinks and talking to her. (We fed him lines) He got her back to our place, where we gave Edward the rest of our liquor and some more coke. His lady friends name was STAR. We think it was a fake name. But she was cool. She had cigarettes dipped in formaldehyde (aka-Wet). We were all sorts of fucked up when I turned the tape recorder back on.
[sound of Iron Maiden in background and people chattering and screaming] Edward:…So that’s why I wouldn’t. I’d much rather fuck Lindsay Lohan. Star: Eww. She is gross. SB: Hold on a second. Hold on a second…pre or post coke and diet pill addiction. EM: hmm…Post…post…I like bones! [Laughter] SB:You’re fucked up Eddie. Star:Where is the bathroom? SB:Through there. [Star gets up and leaves, Edward lights a cigarette] EM:EM: These things are fucking me right up. What should I do? SB:I think she wants you man…go after her. EM:Really? Should I? SB:Go! Go! Kick down the door! EM:Fuck it, why not. I can’t feel my face. Edward the proceeded to go kick down the bathroom door and do about 3 grams of coke with Star. While they were in the middle of having sex Edward puked all over her back and passed out with his neck bent at a 90 degree angle. In the morning we woke up and Edward was gone. Star was in a daze and we asked her to leave. But, I bet Edward had the time of his life…And you know what…we learned a lot about Archeology. 2005 |
