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Big Momma's House 2 By President George W. Bush Editor’s Note: Upon the President’s request, all scenes involving Martin Lawernce were edited out and replaced with a brief title card explaining what Martin Lawernce was doing and why it was funny.  I’m just opening up my “Remember Abraham Lincoln” tour, starting with a speech to the NAACP, just to remind them, Hey, Abraham Lincoln freed you. After that I’m heading to the deep south. But, my first act on this trip was to witness, for myself, an African-American targeted film.
I hear great things about this talented young man, Mr. Martin Lawernce, who has brought fun and laughter to a generation of Afro-Americans. So, I decided to watch this summer’s hottest DVD rental - Big Momma’s House 2. Now, I was a little late to the White House screening of this film because I had a small kitten’s head in a vice. I never realized it would take so long to squish the brains out. But, I made it on time enough to get the jist of the movie. There’s Big Momma, and she does comedic things in unusual situations with hilarious results. I liked it, and laughed at nearly every joke, but the audience around didn’t seem to get it. Prior to seeing this, I requested that the entire audience be filled with handicapped children, preferably ones who couldn’t walk or talk or really move. Vegetables is what I wanted, fresh vegetables. See, I have this problem. Every 36 hours, I must punch a disabled child in the face to regulate the temperature of my blood. It’s a small problem, I’ve had to deal with this my whole life, I’m used to it. Don’t have sympathy for me.  After the screening, I have the children and their entire family killed and turned into a high polymer plastic that helps power the American Auto Industry. It’s like recycling in a way.
Heck, to be honest, if I ever can be, I am a lizard. Ever heard of David Icke and the whole illuminati? Well, it’s all true. I am part of a incestuous alien bloodline that has ruled the world since the dawn of time. Only illuminati family can see us in our true reptilian form. We drink the black blood of dead animals, oil. Placed to protect every drop of oil with their symbolically dark skin, I can not look directly at the dark ones or else it will dislodge my lower jaw. Therefore, I did not see this movie at all, I merely ate the information with my bulbous reptilian brain, and turned out the results – bad, this movie is bad.   Star Number 1 and Star Number 3, but not Stars 2, 4, or 5 This Edition's Reviews Lady in the Water - World Trade Center - The Devil Wears Prada - Pirates of the Carribean 2 - Big Momma's House 2 - V For Vendetta - An Inconvenient Truth - Fast & The Furious Tokyo Drift - Superman Returns - A Scanner Darkly - MOVIE REVIEW ARCHIVE 2006 |
