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Domino By Simon Jenkins  I like movies. I like to plan my day around them. But only one thing comes before that in terms of planning my day. Taking a shit. I need to schedule them. But sometimes they just pop up on ya.
As soon as I pulled into the theatre parking lot, it hit me. My stomach had this pressure and pain. I knew it was a shit-ass-trophe. I get all anxious when I have to shit. I also refuse to use public toilets. I just can’t completely let loose in them. I like to shit and not feel guilty for making babies cry with my smells. So I sit down in the theatre and I start to feel more and more pressure build. The movie starts and it has all these fucking zooms and crazy camera things. I couldn’t fucking stand it. Neither could my ass. As if it was taunting me, my ass just completely was prairie doggin’ it (ED. Note: When the poop peeks out of your asshole)  I couldn’t stand it so I just up and left that fucking movie about 45 minutes in. Now here is where it gets serious. My ass, I think, could sense it was getting closer to shitting. I was speeding and speeding. The pressure just kept getting greater and I was starting to contort and breathe all different to ease it. I decided to release some pressure and let some fart out. What a mistake
I let just the littlest bit of shit out into my pants. And then I got all disgusted and had to drive the rest of the way hovering in the air above the seat because I didn’t want to squish the poop in my underwear. Fuck! I got home and ran up the steps and fumbled with the keys forever, finally got the key in the hole and it’s the wrong fuckin’ one. Then the pressure is just too much and I shit all in my pants. Right in front of my house. Fucking embarrassing. So essentially. I paid $9.50 to shit my pants. Great. Domino fucking sucked.   1 Out of 5 Stars For at Least Giving me Something This Edition's Reviews KING KONG - USHPIZEN - JARHEAD - MUNICH - ELIZABETHTOWN - LAST HOLIDAY - CAPOTE - BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN - SERENITY - DOMINO BY SIMON JENKINS - DOMINO BY MAYIM BIALIK - 40 YEAR OLD VIRGIN MOVIE REVIEW ARCHIVE 2006 |
