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Eragon Reviewed By Screamin’ Jay Hawkins  Y’all know me It’s screamin jay Hawkins. The voodoo master blaster of rock n’ roll. I get a knock on the door this mornin’ with some white man telling MEEEEEEEEEEE they gonna arrest me because I didn’t pay my child support.
I know you askin, Jay…How come you don’t pay yo kids supportin’ funds? Because! I gots 55 motherfuckin’ kids! MMmmm-Hmmm Child! I know you askin’ Jay….How you get 55 Kids!? I fuck everything with a warm hole! That’s how. I fuck any woman with workin’ parts and of age! Woooo-EEEEE! I’ll fuck any thannng! I fucked me a vacuum cleaner. I fucked a mail box. I even stuck my dick in the flower pot! Hopin’ to get me some flower children!!! Woo-Eee. I watered my plants with my man mayonnaise everydsy for thirty four years….NO FLOWER CHILDREN though. You know that a man can’t make relations with a plant? PHOTO-MOTHERFUCKIN’-SYNTHESISsssssssssss….like a snake….OOOOoo-EEEEE!!! I know you askin’ Jay….whats this have to do with a movie? Everythannng…That’s what.  So let me get back to what I was sayin’….
Instead of talkin’ to that bill collector white man. I ran away! Right inside that movie theater playin’ that picture with all them dragons. Ooooo-EEEE! What a stupid movie! But I got’s me an Idea! I know you askin’ Jay….What kinda idea you got? I’m gonn fuck me a dragon! Yes sirree. I’m gonna move to where they is dragons with all them funny Chinese people over in Japan and where they ain’t no bill collectors. I’m gonna find me the cutest dragon. Make relations with them. And finger they butt hole, make me a little dragon-man baby. Wooo Eeee!   1 out of 5 Stars MOVIE REVIEW ARCHIVE 2007 |
