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Castro-Bush Letters By ? We at Stogie Bros were lucky enough to obtain official correspondence between George W. Bush and Fidel Castro. The letters are from December 2003 to March of 2004. December 22nd 2003 Dear Fidel, Como estas you piece of shit. How is it in your shitty country Fidel? I bet its not too good. You want to know why? You ever look at a map and see how small your country is? It is like a small dick or something. You want to know why your country sucks (x2)…no fucking Barbeque!...I mean…how could a country like yours filled with so many mexicans not have any barbeque. Get your fuckin’ recipies straight and then we will start talking. You bearded pussy. Sincerely, W December 27th 2003 Dear Jorge, Your letter brings much joy over this holiday season. I hope you had a Feliz Navidad. I plan on spending my new years watching Washington in flames. It is a shame you could not remove your head from your ass in time to see me shave the beard. I am thinking about it…what do you think? I am thinking of just keeping a moustache, but that might make me look gay. We all know what you think of men with moustaches (say hello to saddam for me…in hell you asshole). Otherwise, I hope you choke on your fucking cheeseburgers or whatever the hell it is you fucking Americans eat these days. Sincerito, Fidel P.S.-I am sending over a box of cigars, the extra wide kind so they will fit in Cheney’s asshole. P.P.S- 40 bucks says the Lions go all the way in January. January 24th 2004 Hello Fidel, You leaping sack of faggot shit, please do not tell me you chose the Lions to go all the way. You owe me forty….I want that in American too…none of that “peso” shit. Otherwise just letting ya know that I got about five or six nuclear weapons pointed right at your pathetic excuse for an island. About the beard, I say it doesn’t matter either way, you are still are a Kansas city faggot if I ever saw one. Oh, Fidel…does your coffee taste funny? Cause I cant remember if it is today or tomorrow I had my agents put poison in it. I guess you’ll find out the hard way peckerwood. Otherwise, we are doing well. Laura and the twins are talking to me a lot more. About what? I do not know. I have been mainly listening to Toby Keith and squeezing a NERF foot ball. Oh…what else…oh yeah…got a new cowboy hat. Getting ready to shit on the dem’s later on. You and that Dean asshole might get along. I will make sure he meets you when I deport his ass to your strip of shit. Sincerely, W. p.s.- Dick and I loved the cigars. Febuary 15th 2004 Boy George,  Enclosed is your forty. I will pay you even though you were mistaken…How was I supposed to know that you were thinking of American Football? I was speaking of Futbol…or as you salted snack eating assholes refer to it: Soccer. Who knew there was a Lions and that the Championships also took place in January.
Also, you may think of getting some new agents, all that coffee did to me was give me the runs for a couple of days. I am glad to hear you and Dick liked the cigars…I think you will find it rewarding to smoke them after they have been up his ass. The shit taste will make you feel right at home, you fucking beady-eyed capitalist pig shit brain. Otherwise, I was talking to Hugo (Chavez), he told me to pass this along to you…”Fuck you!”…oh..Hugo cracks me up. Did I tell you I almost broke my fucking neck the other night? I slipped on a god damn mango…(its mango season here)…fucking servants…what do I pay them for anyway? It’s a shame we didn’t enslave people like your country did. Its times like these I wish we had an inferior race to get to do simple tasks. But no…here its all the same god damn thing. What I would give to crawl up inside a black woman for a night. I would mamba her a new asshole. Well I must be going, I have to go give a 3 hour speech. Say hi to the twins for me. Tell them Uncle Fidel loves them. Kisses, Fidel P.S.- I still have your Next Friday DVD. I will send it back next letter. (Still gotta watch the special features.) March 5th 2004 Dear F(uck)idel, There is one thing I hate more than Mexicans, and that is fuckers who borrow my DVD’s and don’t return them. I am only gonna ask you once. You see what I did to Saddam over there? You think that shit was over WMD?? Nuh-uh…fucker had my DANCES WITH WOLVES for TWO YEARS!! So don’t fuck with me…I like to run this country like a blockbuster with a vengeance. Otherwise, I need to keep this short, I have to go make some commercials. Fucking pain in the ass, I have to act all interested n’ shit. The last thing I care about is pleasing people. Oh yea…you catch that Jesus movie? Oh yeah! You don’t get American films. Well…maybe someone will swim it back to ya on a fucking tire boat. You should check it out. For as much as I talk about the fucker, it was finally good to know who he was. Jesus that is. Well. Peace out my aging Dictator friend. Sincerely, W. P.S.- Can I borrow your GREASE DVD? Travolta gets me everytime. And that concludes the correspondence to this date. Check back later for more Presidential letters to Fidel. 2003 |
