           
|
"What do you have to gain from Community Service?" Added January 6th, 2006 When people ask me such things as “What do you have to gain?” or “What can you learn?”, I scoff at them. Do you know who you are dealing with? I have already gained so much through my first 19 years that it is futile to even contemplate gaining anything else. My head won’t allow it. In fact, I probably couldn’t fit in anything else, I know too much, and if I learned something new, I’d have to forget something old. In High School all my class mates knew it, they voted me “Most Arrogant” and “Coldest”. I’m too good to help other people out, in fact, they should help me succeed as it would in turn better themselves. My time is much too valuable to spend on others, let alone strangers. Sure, I probably could change their entire life, in a matter of seconds, just by gracing them with my presence. But, why should I do that? My destiny could change with a choice change. Think about it, I go to help someone out, take the train, and fall down the entire stairs breaking my neck and paralyzing me for life. As I’ve always told my protest buddies, other people are for losers, help yourself and you will be helping others by not helping them. I can’t always be looking over their shoulder or wiping their ass, why ever even start. If everyone could learn to be self-sufficient, this world would have no problems. Crime, Aid’s, terrorism, Israel, Iraq, they would all go away, not be in the news anymore. The Nightly News would flourish, because now they could report on really the important stuff, like skateboards and cool sunglasses and chicks and me. I saw in the news the other day about this country named Chile. Who cares? It looked like a stupid country anyway, lets get rid of that on the news and replace it with like Tony Hawk 24/7, the videogame and the man. And you know what, I HAVE helped people out before. Not going to say I enjoyed it, but I did. Back in the High School, there was this kid who was all like smart and stuff, but he wasn’t smart enough to know how to talk to people. He was all quiet and shy and looked at his feet all the time. So, one day, I say to him, “Hey, Do you know how to talk?”. And you know what, he talked. He said, “Yes.” And then I said, “No you don’t.” See, if it weren’t for someone like me, this kid would have went an entire year without saying a word to anyone in that class, but me, I went right up to this asshole and started a conversation with him. That’s just the kind of person I am. Greenpeace and all these other “Help” organizations are great, just not for me. I am too helpful to be with a group of helpless people. That is why they form groups you know, all of the people are helpless, they get together, give themselves a fancy name like “Peace Squad” and suddenly they become a little less helpless. If I were in one of them organizations, we would have accomplished a lot more by now. First up on my agenda would be to convince all the networks to play the Simpson’s simultaneously, so when I eat dinner, if it’s an episode I’ve seen a thousand times, I have four choices. I hate it when I have to watch the boring news about Chile and Aid’s and old people. Give me some real choice here, damn. More "Steroid Stories" You Think You've Got Stress 2006 |
