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Pope prays for Peace in Nebraska By Mike Morelli Pope John Paul of the Catholic Church was making a speech to a crowd in Pompeii during their annual “Thank God the Volcano Didn’t Erupt Again” Celebration when stop and help a group prayer with the entire crowd. The people of the city, from Christians to Catholics, joined together to pray with the pope as he whimpered out a very quiet and very moving prayer. He prayed for “Peace in the Holy Lands,” which received a roaring reaction, and then “Peace in the Middle East,” which saw a good portion of anti-war supporters cheer, and then he concluded by saying “And we all must pray for a Peace in Nebraska. A men” The crowd was perplexed by the statement but nonetheless cheered with the same enthusiasm as before. But, the odd thing about this, is that there is no instability or war in Nebraska. In fact, it is one of the most peaceful and boring places on Earth. But why would the Pope pray for Peace in Nebraska?  “The Pope was just testing everyone,” said Cardinal XXII DeLorenzo, “he wanted to see that, no matter what he said, the people would cheer at it aimlessly and then play it off that he is a sick old man who doesn’t know what he’s saying. That’s just not true. He knows everything that he says and he does it to fuck with people.”
This comes on the heels of accusations from former Catholic Nuns who accused the Pope of groping them. They filed a lawsuit against the Pope in the city of the Vatican for Sexual Harassment, but were killed by the Vatican Gestapo. Also, this added to the calls for his resignation, the information that came out that the Pope covered up the fact that many Priests were having sex with young boys and chickens. In the Bestiality/Molestation Act of 1980 he officially engaged in cover ups and pay offs to clear the churches name. With these controversies raging, it is certain that almost everyone in the Vatican is waiting for him to die. He has refused to resign and said he will “rule until the day I die.” Hopefully, when he dies, they’ll put a hot chick as the new pope so that they’ll have a lot more people coming to Christianity. Imagine that, if the Pope poses in Playboy… That will be the best ad for Catholicism since that one with the Crying Indian… 2003 |
