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Fourth graders deem boobs cooler than guns By Ted  It's been a solid 3 year tradition at Spiro Agnew Elementary School for the fourth grade class to vote on what they believe is the coolest, usually
led by the most loudmouthed, ADD-riddled kid. This year saw an upset like no other amongst the "things" catagory. For the first time, boobs
beat out guns for the top spot. The girls were too divided amongst their choices, mainly unicorns and dogs, but the boys seemed to unite around either one, making this
a close call.
"...I voted boobs cuz like our teacher always talks about them and stuff and I was just thinkin' bout em'..." Todd Uptroft spoke to us during a flag football exclusive. Others, too, noted that their teacher talked about boobs constantly. "Man, Ms. Jonez, she's all talking bout' boobs and stuff, is hard not to vote fo' em. I chose guns, dough, cuz I always wanted a uzi, pl-pl-pl-pl--pl" Howard Jamel then proceded to shoot me and make loud gun noises. It was odd, why would these kids think their teacher is always talking about boobs? Well, taking into account that Ms. Jonez is 26 and is, argueably, an attractive young woman who generally tends to smell nice. This is something new for kids of Agnew Elementary, and I think that's partly the cause. That, and maybe because Stewart brought in one of his dad's "Tit's-Mag" magazine into recess and showed it to everyone he could. Besides this upset, the voting remained fairly consistent. Boogers suck, peanut butter and jelly is the best sandwhich, red is the best color, gas has the best smell, and vanilla is better than chocolate. All, according to the youth of America. 2004 |
