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Militant American group takes Arab hostage. Threatens to give him bath in 72 hours. By Giuseppe Montenegro  We have just received word that radical militant group Al Americanus has just taken a hostage and is demanding that all Arabs kill themselves in 72 hours or else they will kill their captive.
The hostage is believed to be Abdulaziz Al-Muquar, a foreign exchange student from Saudi Arabia. He is studying at Texas A&M and is in the USA on a student Visa. The state department issued this statement “We are trying our hardest to make it seem as if we care.” President Bush was not available for comment, but the White House issued this statement “We are going to tie our shoes for 72 hours to look busy, then maybe we will work something out.” They then hung up the phone realizing that we were on the other line. Saudi officials were angry and wanted justice for their citizen. “We are very very concerned; this is a situation we wouldn’t even put our own children in.” said Tariq Mofuqar. Reaction around Saudi Arabia is mainly one of fear and confusion. “I do not know what to say, my children ask, ‘what is bath?’, ‘what is soap?’…I tell them to go to bed or I punch them in face.” said concerned father Mullamja Al Injhu. The pro-american militant group issued a statement on their behalf. “If all Arabs do not exit this world or kill themselves by way of self inflicted dildo suffocation, then we will be forced to give one of your own a bath or perhaps even worse…a colon cleansing of magnanimous proportions.” As of right now, it looks grim for Abdulaziz, Saudi Arabian officials are trying to negotiate with Al AMericanus, but they have a “no speakie no darkie” policy. So lend your thoughts and prayers to poor poor Abdulaziz. 2004 |
