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Area (Chinese) Man lectures students on why you don’t need ticket….because you have stamp... By John Morerri Added Ferbruary 20, 2005
Students of Happerton High School have to spend a lot more time in their math class than expected. Ever since November 29th their Algebra teacher Mr. Yeun Ho Wren has been giving a non stop lecture on an incident that has changed his life.  According to students, Mr. Wren has been rambling about his failure to gain entry into an amusement park over the thanksgiving holiday. “He came back from break and seemed a little angry. He walked to the corner and began to scream” said Harry Sinters, a student in the class. Harry added “He then bagan to say something about how there is no difference between a ticket or stamp.” According to our research the park he was trying to gain entry to Disney World in Orlando, Florida.
We went to head of park operations Chip Walsh and asked him about the situation. “Well our policy is to keep a close eye on the Chinese…” said Mr. Walsh. We then let him know he was being recorded and quoted in the article. “Well…uh….you know…From what I know…other than the Chinese thing…is that he tried to forcibly gain entry into the park without the proper credentials…that being a ticket as well as a stamp on your hand. Mr. Wren only had a stamp…and a calculator…which from my knowledge doesn’t get him in the park.” When we tried to interview Mr. Wren he threatened us with legal action. His only statement was “How can honor be held without respect? How can moon shine without sun shine? How can ticket be same as stamp?” This writer however, doesn’t care for rhetorical Chinese bullshit. I went to the cafeteria to get some real juicy gossip on the situation. Lunch Lady Samison let me in on the details. “Well, I hear that in the teachers lounge, he sits on the floor and eats everything with his hands. He is a funny man. Once I heard that he started to cry when the Phys. Ed teacher Darcy Edwards turned him down for a date…I mean…everyone knows she is a lesbian…just not Mr. Wren.” Assistant Principal David Markovsky said “One time he followed me home, I got out of my car and asked him what he was doing, he said he wanted to kiss me. So I invited him into my home and gave him some warm milk. He fell asleep on the couch playing Nintendo 64 and the next morning he left before I woke up.” One thing can be ascertained from all of this information flowing in on Mr. Wren…He never did get into Disney World…someday we believe he will try again. He is a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in an egg roll dipped in duck sauce. 2005 |
