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Church of Satan elects new Pope: Brian Bosworth. By John Morelli Added June 20, 2005 Valencia, CA - – -  After a long day of discussions and debate…the Satanic Council of Popery picked their man to lead the Satanic Church. None other than Brian Bosworth, of former NFL and STONE COLD fame.
“I am surprised and delighted to become Satan’s eyes and ears on Earth. I will once again grow my mullet long and shave three lightning bolts into the side of my head. I will also get more of those dangly earrings that only me and Rick James could pull off without looking like fags” Said Lord Bosworth. Others are upset at the pick of Bosworth. Another strong candidate for the job, Ahmad Rashad, was highly upset at his passing over. “You would think that fucking Summer Saunders three times a day for two years was Satanic enough to get Satan to pay attention. I thought wrong. Satan is an asshole. I am converting to Islam!” protests Ahmad.  People around the world are excited to have the Satanic Pope reside in the U.S. once again after a long time in Europe when the title belonged to Gerard Depardeu. “I can’t fucking wait till I get to meet Lord Bosworth! I will play him some of my bands music!” said some dumbass wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt.
What will Lord Bosworth’s first act be? Sending Pope Benedict a giant box of shit with a fetus in the middle. “To let him know who is boss” adds Bosworth. “You think molesting children is bad ass? Well, we eat fucking children for breakfast and shit them out and eat them again for dinner! Rwaaaaaar!” said the Lord Bosworth. Well, the world it waiting and watching Lord Bosworth. This is the start of a great rivalry. 2005 |
