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Man Claims Ariel Sharon’s Brain Talked to Denzel Washington Added January 21st, 2006  “I saw it! I saw him! He’s the one! Him!” Dr. Turk Pussel screamed at last January’s Golden Globes as Denzel Washington made his way down the rep carpet. It caused such a commotion many stopped to restrain him, but Denzel Washington just kept on walking.
“Traitor! He knows! I saw him! All you Jews should be ashamed! You know who you are! Ashamed!” the Doctor yelled as security rushed him away from the scene. After an interview with the Los Angeles Police Department, Dr. Pussel repeatedly claimed that Denzel Washington had intimate knowledge of the true condition of the Israeli Prime Minister’s Brain, hiding or even causing a small tumor that doctors in Israel would not reveal. He was so adament about it he refused to be detained because he had a flight to Israel in four hours.  How he acquired this knowledge was “not important”, and the Prime Minister would “soon die if something is not done. From one Jew to another, let me work on this man.”
Dr. Pussel is a Professor of Roller Coaster Design at Oregon State University, who converted to Judaism just last year after seeing The Passion of the Christ. “I have to say, I sided with the Jews in that movie. It made me really sympathize with them,” he would later say.  But, ever since Ariel Sharon’s second stroke, Dr. Pussel has been vigorously attacking Denzel Washington, beginning with an article in the Oregon Journal blaming him for the stroke. Days later he was in Los Angeles and arrested after harassing the star. But, strangely enough, Dr. Pussel has been still supposedly reporting to class as normal, not missing a single attendance, even while being in Los Angeles at the same time. His students still claim he continues teaching while in Israel.
While the theories of the Doctor are not completely known in length, it does involve some apparent communication between the Prime Minister’s brain and Mr. Washington. He is expected to arrive in Israel sometime soon, where he will “visit Ariel and cure him.” 2006 |
