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Local Restaurant Hires Man to Eat for Customers by John Morelli Added January 21st, 2006 Templeton, Oregon-  For a mere price of 24.99, you can order dinner for a large black man named Tyroonian and watch him eat it at McJames Tavern. It doesn’t end there. Tyroonian will even converse with customers for an extra five dollars. Sales have been skyrocketing at the McJames Tavern.
Richard Dern recently ate there with his family and was raving to his co-workers, “I have never spoken to a black person in my life, so naturally I was scared. But then I ordered a 24 oz. steak and paid the extra five bucks for the conversation. And Wow-EE! The man told me how he had eaten a nest of Bald Eagle eggs for breakfast and how he destroyed a Christmas pageant a couple hours before that. I plan on going back for seconds.” McJames Tavern owner Jamus McJames praises Tyroonian for his big sales, “The man is a hit, what else can I say. If nothing else, the appeal of eating with a 450 lb black man wearing a helmet has paid back over and over.” But what does Tyroonian have to say about this? “I ate sand once. Ees reelly not dat bad wiff sum wowtah.” We couldn’t understand him all that much, but we asked him what brought him to America: SB: What Brought you to America Tyroonian? Tyroonian: A giant net. SB: Any plans for the future? Tyroonian: Eat a panda bear. Then our interview was cut short when Tyroonian ate our correspondent’s watch. The owner demanded we pay him money if we wanted any further interview time. We said fuck that… McJames Tavern- Open 7 days a week until 12 a.m. 2006 |
