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Adoption Agency Shut Down for Discounting Handicapped Children Added September 2006  It wasn’t hard for officials to catch Charlie’s Child Coop, all they had to do was look in the paper. In the Linkleberry Times two weeks ago, there was a glaring whole-page add pronouncing a “Summer Special” with “Kids as low as $50 with no background checks!”
Joeseph “Charlie” Computerhat, who founded the adoption agency and is now in custody in Linkleberry, Michigan, was trying to clear out his “inventory” before the back to school season ignites an adoption frenzy throughout the fall. “People don’t understand. I had a backlog of kids comin’ in and no takers. It’s a natural rule of business. Supply and Demand. So what, I discounted the crippleds? That ain’t a crime.” Computerhat defended himself. It was a grand scheme he had at Charlie’s Child Coop, starting as a website in 1999 and eventually moving to an outdoor shopping center in Linkleberry two years later. What made them unique was the way in which perspective buyers could choose their children. Online, the site layed out the selection by race, sex, weight, and eventually adding a rating system so that the children could be given a score out of ten. With photos of every kid who was available for sale, the business took off. Later they opened up a physical store in a shopping center, with children in plastic booths standing still for hours at a time. Despite cries against what Computerhat had done before, his “Summer Special” was what that got the attention of the law.  The sale lowered the price of kids based solely on the disorders they had, with the worst few being discounted to just $50. The website advertised children with diseases ranging from “retarded” to “Cambodian”.
“Hey, you gonna’ tell me it’s fair that the consumer pays the same price for Johnny-walk-and-run as they do for some kid who can’t even talk or walk or something? I never thought it was fair,” Mr. Computerhat told the press after his arrest, “These kids can’t grow up, they don’t grow, that’s like paying for a plant that don’t get bigger. I consider them more of a decoration, in line with a lamp or mirror or something you put on the wall.” Facing two charges of Conspiracy to Harm the Disabled and one count of Mental Assault against the Disabled, Computerhat has said he will plead “Fuck You,” to every count. All the children from his shop were quarantined by police and have since been sent to the White House and melted down into a high polymer plastic that powers the American Auto industry. 2006 |
