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Bruckheimer set to Produce Bible Movie Adaptation Added September 2006  Following the unprecedented success of the latest Pirates of the Carribean film, producer Jerry Bruckheimer is set to take on his boldest feat yet – adapting the bible into a movie.
“I’ve got a hunch the number one selling book of all time won’t have a problem attracting an audience,” he said with a smile. With Mel Gibson’s Leathal Weapon co-star Danny Glover set to direct and Transporter star Jason Stathom leading, the movie promises to be a hit. Apparently the script, penned by J.J. Abrams, will attempt to comprise all of the stories from the good book into one good movie. “I know Christain’s don’t like to read,” Stathom said, “hopefully now they won’t have to know how to read.” James Earl Jones was the easy choice to play God, but there has been some controversy in making a black god. “God was not black. He was a beautiful woman in a thong bikini wielding a golden machine gun with lightning bullets. I have seen him,” Rev. Pastor Pretzelunch, leader of the Light is White society, said.  Jewish groups around the country hailed the movie as a monumental event. Community leaders praised the film’s “enormous profits that will enrich the Jewish nation for generations.”
One of the biggest issues to overcome with the film is how to condense all of the Bible’s stories into one, viable movie. “Don’t worry,” Bruckheimer reassured reporters, “this movie will have a lead character with a conflict or obstacle to which he must overcome that can only be solved by happiness.” The movie will mix timelines, having a man who was born when Moses got the ten commandments and died sometime after Jesus’ crucifiction. That character, to be played by John Stathom, will meet Moses (Jim Brown) and Jesus (Jet Li), as well as many other famous Biblical characters. The mixing of the races will stir some, but ultimately the movie is destined to be summer blockbuster. “And remember,” Bruckheimer added, “Jesus will have powers better than Superman, X-men, and fire – combined.” 2006 |
