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Plot goes horribly wrong for young boy, mutilated by robbers
Added June 2007
Pinkerton, Mass-
 7 year old Kevin McAllister was found bound gagged and tortured in his home Christmas morning local authorities say. Police are puzzled as to what actually happened. They showed up to a house riddled with swinging paint cans, makeshift flamethrowers and littered with various objects such as BB guns and marbles.
Authorities have taken his parents Peter and Katherine into custody. It is reported they have abandoned the child alone on Christmas. When being taken into custody they were heard screaming “We didn’t know we forgot him on the way to the airport! I swear we thought he was on the plane with us!”
Police walked into the house at exactly 9 a.m. on Christmas morning after Old Man Jenkins next door complained of several screams of a child coming next door. Old Man Jenkins said “You know, at one point I thought of going over there with my shovel and saving that child. But I had just made up with my son whom I haven’t talked to in years, and the fuckin’ kid always looked at me funny. Cocksucker.”
Other neighbors aren’t so sympathetic to young Kevin. “That boy stole something from the drugstore and caused a huge ruckus over at the ice skating pond! Do I feel sorry for him? No! He asked for it!”
Kevin McAllister was found bound and gagged in the basement, stripped naked with his throat cut and his genitals removed and stuffed down his throat. He had the words “I’m the Wet Bandit’s Bitch” painted on his chest. Part of his legs were charred, from what police believe, was torture by fire.
 Authorities found the house plagued with all sorts of traps. Detective Ron Souray said “Obviously, from the looks of these dangling paint cans, the robbers came in here, murdered the boy and had their way with the house, making a mess of it…they set up these traps for the police. And I’ll tell you. They are some clever people; these traps were some sophisticated stuff. I only hope they gave that boy a quick death.”
Authorities also are telling us to be on the look out for two thieves who go by the moniker “Harry and Marv” or the “Wet Bandits”. We have provided two pictures. If you do see them, please call 856-784-9858 to report them to the police. They are armed and dangerous. And the short one will usually be mumbling “FrickaFrackaFrickaFrackaFrickum”
Kevin’s brother, Buzz, said through tears “I feel so bad, I was just laughing at him and ate the last piece of pizza…then he wished we would all just disappear.”
- Stogiebros.com
2007
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