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The Passion of the Christ By John Morelli  Okay…what the fuck!? Am I the only one who had no clue that there was this guy who lived about 2000 years ago and was cooler that Michael Jordan and Golf…combined! Yeah. That’s right. This fellas name was Jesus.
And you know what else? I figured out what Mad Max was so mad at…the Jews! That’s right. He was angry that they killed his savior/buddy. I was disappointed with the film though. I saw no signs of Mad Max…or William Wallace….or even a snippet of Danny Glover saying “I’m too old for this shit.”….but I could have sworn I saw Joel Silver in one of the crowd sequences. But that’s another story. I went into this film expecting it to be “graphic”…boy was I wrong…It only had 15% of the daily recommended dosage of violence for Americans. And…why couldn’t Monica Belluci get naked once or twice. Mary Magdaline was a cunt…I mean…saint/prostitute…..right? Okay…I will finally get to the heart of this story. Apparently people mistake people being tortured for a passionate film. Seeing Jesus have the shit beat out of him for 2 hours was fine…but if I wanted some quality violence I would set up a lawn chair on Dick Cheney’s lawn on a Saturday night. The film doesn’t really offer any exposition on Jesus. If you go into this movie totally uninformed you may end up more lost that a deaf kid at a concert. If they just had a quick montage at the beginning with the 6 million dollar man theme and clips of Jesus flying, punching, praying and fucking….we would all understand the man a whole lot better. But….I can definitely see where Jewish people are coming from being offended by this movie…I mean…they showed them as greedy, manipulative, evil people…they totally left out cheap, obnoxious and pompous. Oh I kid, I kid. But seriously…I can see where Jews are coming from being angry. But on the other hand…I can see how people feel so passionately about the film and their religion. So for me the film was about understanding….whether it be the understanding of faith, or the understanding of hatred…I can see where most people are coming from. Personally I do not believe in any of this God bullshit and I don’t associate with any religion. So…I am going to be a pussy and just give this film 2 ½ stars….that way I can let you go see it yourself and go make up your own mind about things. Go ahead see it…chat with friends about it and avoid doing real work. God Bless. Wait. No.    2 1/2 out of 5 Stars 2003 |
