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Protesting is Cool Again Stymied after the 1980’s punk-anarcharist post-modern anti-globalization protesting which took the sport to lows not seen since the 1920’s, now protesting has made a sweeping come back. Sparked by the recent revitalization of long hair in men and nappy, gross hair in woman, the left in America has risen up to get its voice heard.  “You know, we can change something, man, we really can. It’s just like in the 60’s all over again, man, you know, we’re startin’ something here,” Answer Coalition’s New York Representative Steve Burgerson told us.
Today’s fashionable protest options include war, which is the easiest to do, globalization, which often gets lumped with the war people, and abuse of women, which hasn’t been taken seriously because usually it is countered by better-looking, albeit fewer, counter-protestors. In August, Cindy Sheehan became superstar protestor number one after sitting outside of George Bush’s ranch and asking to be noticed. Then, in a very creative and Mario Lemiuex like move, she got arrested at the White House for trespassing! That was just pure brilliance, for image purposes as well as practical ones. Bush’s ranch is unrecognizable. But, the White House! And she actually got arrested this time. Genius! They may not have much to say, and may not make much sense, but it’s a movement with growing power and political might. Groups like MoveOn.org, Answer Coalition, and United for Peace and Justice all funnel money into these people, exploiting them for their own causes. These political action organizations have, with the adeptness of an advertising agency, made protesting cool again in America. But, it doesn’t just stop here. The Chinese government has recently used protesting in it’s favor also, with their wild and wacky anti-Japanese movements. North Korea itself organizes anti-Western events, as does Iran and elements of religious fundamentalism in many Middle Eastern countries.  American groups have openly accepted their brethren of protestors in foreign countries. ANSWER Coalitions has lent it support to Slobodan Milosevic, Kim Jong-Il, and even the people who committed genocide in Rwanda. British politician George Galloway has even began backing the American protestors, adding to their growing political support.
While it is hard to decipher what these groups actually want, one thing is for sure that they are all simply anti-American and pro-whatever the other side is. Many organizations are incorrectly reported to be anti-war, which in fact is quite the opposite, most simply just support militarism on the other side. And George Bush is their focal point. “He is just so evil, man, so, so, so evil. I mean, like, think about it, man. Before he came into office, our country was great, now look at it. I mean like, even our GRP is down like a billion dollars. We sure wouldn’t be here if he didn’t steal 2000.” Regional MoveOn.org leader Skyler Antonio argued. MoveOn.org is really the modern version of the New York Yankees or Montreal Canadians of this sport, protesting. While they don’t really accomplish anything, they manage to criticize everything others do. Immediately after Hurricane Katrina, instead of heading down to Louisiana or Mississippi to help out or even going to the red cross to donate blood or money or something, no, they sent a bus to Washington and held signs in front of the White House. Now that is just genius marketing, you wait when the news is bad mouthing the president, and WHAT, you CREATE a story about, WHAT, you bad mouthing the president. That is some fucking smart shit, I’ll tell you. With the accession of the neo-protest movements, Baby Boomers can once again take pride in doing nothing, yet basqing in the glory of unreal conquests. The new groups they have spawned through funding and support are once again cool, and once again, will have a detrimental affect on this country. Just like fucking long hair. 2006 |
