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BENTSEN 96' A Review of GRAND THEFT AUTO: SAN ADREAS By Lloyd Millard Bentsen Added February 20, 2004  I haven't kept up to date on the recent wave of television games, but, from what I’ve seen, the new technology that is applied to them is amazing. Upon receiving my own copy of this so called "GRAND THEFT AUTO", I was flabbergasted. There was a thin, transparent protective shield covering the game, preventing me from reaching it. I tried as hard as I could to open it, but the security device was just too strong. After a few hours, I asked my wife to try. She immediately got it, fueling my suspicions that it was time released.
While I was amazed at the technology of clear plastic shields, I was even more astounded at the technology of televised gaming. Inside of my game pack was a compact disc with a rather obscene photo of girl bending over to make her breasts more in view. While it was rather stimulating, it was also extremely offensive; the fun I was looking for was none of this kind. But, I regressed. My grandchildren got the game working, somehow convincing the television-to-game communication device to let me play it. They reasoned with it, and eventually, they told me, I was ready to go.  Here is where my problems really began. On the television this man appeared, a young colored fellow. But, nothing happened. I was waiting for him to tell me how to find my fun, and he never did - he just stood there. That's when one of my grandchildren pointed out to me that I had control of this man. The only problem, I told him, was how to turn my commands, into something this young colored fellow could do. I wanted him to stop cursing, so I told him, "Stop Cursing". Apparently, this is not how televised fun works.
At my feet was this small plastic boomerang looking thing. It had little circles with letters on them in some language I don’t speak. I soon figured out that the key between me and this young colored fellow who was on my screen was learning this strange triangle language. To get this man to do what I wanted, I would have to command him to do so using this boomerang device. I felt already as if I was way over my head, but I had only just begun. Once I got oriented with the boomerang communicator, it became pretty secondary thought. Wherever I moved this man to go, he went. Some buttons attacked people, others jumped, but I had no time for shenanigans. That was, until, I stole my first car. It was all a big accident, I was in the middle of a road, waiting for the passenger walk sign that never came, when I sneezed and accidentally hit a button, and all of the sudden - the colored man stole a car! Yes, he opened the door and punched the driver and proceeded to drive away, and now I had control of him in the car! I hadn't had this feeling since my flying days during the war, it was a rush and a half. I could run over people! I could take their lives and then drive away as if nothing had happened. This is the essence of televised gaming, and I must say, I love it. My grandkids, all crowded around the Television to see old grampa' play their youthful city frolicking game, were giggling non stop. One of them, I still don't know who, took the boomerang and used secret messages to get me things in the game. I don't know how, but somehow they communicated with the God who must be running this world and told him to give me a lot of guns, bombs, knives, and a bouquet of flowers for some reason. From this point on, the killing was purely addictive.  When I realized how to kill, I then learned how to kill better and faster and more people. I couldn't stop the killing. It was as if the colored man had taken control of me, and was telling me to tell him to kill and not stop. The killing never got old. It just got more and more fun as I found more and more ways to kill more and more people.
My thoughts on tax reform, social security, Edna’s Pink Taco, Texas redistricting, all melted away. The only thing on my mind was watching this young black man kill, and subconsciously, controlling him kill... In my day, games like this would never have been made. People would not have developed a plastic killing box that could hook up to your television and pretend to murder a small, ethnic community. No, instead we would have acted it out and ended up actually killing a small ethnic community. That was the nature of the times, nobody had the release that people do now. Had Hitler and Hirohito played this, I think they wouldn't have caused as much crap for my generation as they did. This game was a release for me. A release of tension, it was building up inside since me and Mike ran, and now, I finally have it. It's gone. I feel....terrific. But, this game is no replacement for Monopoly or Life. The killing gets old...and impersonal. It is a total release of tension, but a completely methodical, non-thought provoking "game". These televised fun boxes are the wave of the future, and obviously trying to unseat Monopoly as the most fun that could be had. If I could speak to the game, I would only tell it this; Sir, I served with Monopoly. I knew Monopoly. Monopoly was a friend of mine. Sir, you're no Monopoly. 2005 |
